Old Women Are Horrible Creatures

Today, I saw a man sitting under a tree and he had his earphones plugged in, he was talking on phone to someone and using the choicest of abuses. Listening to him give hell to some other guy made me realize that it's been ages since I've abused someone properly. You know, like you go beyond the regular BC MC and then dig into the family history of a person with no regards towards the consequences or the fear of the police or the other guy's vicious friends beating the shit out of you.

Talking of vicious, there are few things more horrible and terror inducing than female senior citizen  in a bank. Most of the men when they reach the age beyond 60, they tend to slow down and they become kind of mellow. If you find one of those dudes in bank, he might ask to borrow your pen or ask you to fill up his bank form cuz he's forgotten his spectacles at home.

But, old women on the other hand, are like demonic beings on drugs once you tell them to stand in queue, whether it is a bank or the metro. Old women don't give a god damn fuck about rules. Queues are for men, children and other weaklings. Old women go where angels fear to tread, like missiles through the crowd, homing in on the most innocent targets who are unfortunate enough to be in their way.

Why I say this, because today I saw this old women in a queue full of other old women and she wanted to get ahead of the other old women in line. So what did she do? She STOMPED on the foot of the lady standing in front of her, so badly that the stomped lady had to take a seat and this woman was one step closer to the cashier. And the stomper almost tore the face off the guard who told her to behave.

Also, if you're ever in metro, there might be ten other people sitting on your left or right, but when an old woman gets her sights on you, she will dive in like an attacking eagle and tell you to get the fuck out of that seat cuz she wants to sit. I firmly believe that old women, if weaponized, can defend the borders of any country with ease, cuz damn, they're vicious.

Still, there is always an exception to all rules and grannies are the exception here. Cuz whether it's my granny or your granny, they're all awesome.

And while we're on the topic of viciousness, the Delhi elections are tomorrow and lot of mud is being slung around with abandon. If you're going to vote, then good for you, but do think before you vote. Think that it's not going to matter because the whole deal is fixed anyway.

Playing Candy Crush Taught Me All This

Do you know what Candy Crush Saga is? Yes? Good.

For those who have been living under a rock, it is an addictive game, where you join three/four/five shapes of similar colors and complete certain objectives in the game. 

Right now there are some 400 levels of the game, and the game is huge in terms of the money it is earning and also in terms of its reach. 

Every time I am in Delhi metro, I see people leaning against doors or sitting with their phones or tablets in their hands, playing Candy Crush, going through the levels again and again. 

It is a brilliant time killer, and if not checked, it can be an equally brilliant time waster, too. There is a lot that creative individuals like you can learn from the game, and apply those principles to maybe become better at what you are doing and what you want to do. So, what are these principles?

Success in Candy Crush largely depends on seeing and recognizing the repeating patterns on the screen, predicting them, and creating situations so that the patterns are in your favor. 

And this, is easily applicable to anything in life. From business to relationships, if you look around, human behavior is pretty predictable. Some people will never listen to you, others will latch on to every word you say. Knowing how people behave in patterns, is the key. This is how people predict the future.


Connections are the currency to success in Candy Crush and in real life too. And it's a very give and take kind of relationship. You send lives to your Facebook friends and they'll send lives to you. 

Heck, they'll even help you out when you're stuck at intermediate levels. Similarly, help enough people in real world, and sooner or later, help will come back to you when you need it the most.


What is the one thing that you want to do every day? If there is no luck factor involved (lot of luck factor in Candy Crush, though) in it, you cannot help but get better at that activity. 

Example: your mom can definitely cook better food than anyone else in your house. Why? Cuz she has cooked for almost every day of her life, probably three times a day and she can't help but be awesome at it. So, decide what you want to do, and then do it. On repeat. Even if you suck at it at first, if you do it every day, you'll get better. 

Giving Up is NOT an option:
Yup, the Level 65 of Candy Crush is a bitch. I spent almost a month at that level when I was playing that and through that time, all I could think of was, when can I get back to my tab and play that level again. 

So, whatever you're doing in life, don't give up before you've tried absolutely to the point of failure. And the only real failure is giving up, which, is not an option. Because, whatever it is, people before you have done and people after you will do it again. And, as I said in point A, it's all about patterns.

These are just some of the things that I can think of right now about the game and life, I am sure you can think of more comparisons.

The gist here is that you can find life lessons and inspirations from even shitty, irritating, potentially useless things like mobile games that are just time killers.

How you view the world is up to you.

Five Things to Consider Before Quitting Your Job

Short version of this post: Do you want to quit your job? Then do it. Seriously, don't think too much about it, if the thought has come in your mind for one or the other reason, there is no point in really hanging around. You can do a lot of things once you're out of the job. Or you can sit at home and be a Twitter troll (which is just slightly worse than being jobless)

Now, most people think of being jobless as without work, because given the state of our society, job=work. 

Which is absolutely fucking wrong. 

On your job, you're working for someone else, you are hired for your skills and time while you grow older and more cynical, stuck in a comfort zone of things.

But let's assume for a minute that you've decided to quit your job, and you want to plan it out properly like the cool fox that you are. Here are the things you need to do in this specific order.

1) Take your parents and your significant other in confidence. This is very India specific. Unfortunately, we live in this kind of society where your neighborhood aunties and relatives are more concerned with what you're doing or not doing than you might be. If you're going to be jobless, these are the two parties on which you might have to depend if things go belly up. So, better to have their complete support before you put in your papers.

2) Figure out your monthly expenses. Seriously, pick a piece of paper and pen, and write down every repeating monthly expense. This can include rent, internet bills, newspaper bills, commute expenses, daru/chicken/cigarette/drug expenses, book buying expenses, and anything else that is specific to your lifestyle. Arrive at a basic monthly figure of money and multiply it by the number of months you intend to chill the fuck out and not earn any money.

3) Learn to Live like a Monk. Monks are cool, serious people who do not fuck around when it comes to minimization of expenses and their impact on everything. Though, I have seen modern monks with Macs and iPhones, chugging Red Bull in posh Delhi malls, we are not trying to be those kind of monks. We want to be monks that don't splurge and spend money whenever they have some free fucking time to browse flipkart. Seriously, online shopping is satanic. People don't realize, but they end up spending shit loads of money. Learn to avoid buying shit from your debit/credit card. Learn to use cash only. Money management is the only way to do okay in the months where there is no cash inflow, only outflow. Money the price you pay for chilling out. No free lunches in life.

4) Decide what you want to do with an eye on the future. None of us know what the future is going to bring, but preparing for the intended outcomes in mind never hurts. So prepare for things you want to do before you quit your job. You want to write a book in break time? Start writing and looking for publishers. You want to study further, figure out the universities you want to apply to. You want to learn a language, how are you going to do that. Break time is not really break time, it's serious time where you finally are the master of your own time, so figure out what you want to do and how you're going to do it, the break time is for doing things, not figuring out anything.

5) Jobless is not workless. I am going to give you a new word: workmore. Yes, that's one word and I just made it up because I don't give a fuck. You're going to have to workmore in order to maintain your chill and your level of freedom that you get in your time away from slavery. Your job is not work and the work you do is not a job. Get into that mental state of thinking where you are able to look at different money acquiring opportunities and work on them. 

Remember, no one became great by sitting their ass in a comfortable chair in an air conditioned office. A job will not make you great. Doing great things will make you great. If you do great things at your job, your colleagues, managers, or your boss is going to take the lion's share of credit. 

And the bitter truth is that, if you're going to be without a job, it is going to be difficult. Go into this mentally prepared, unless you've got amazing amounts of cash hoarded away or you're extremely shameless, being jobless is never an easy task. So, be shameless, too. That's awesome in its own way.

Oh, and if you fail in all your efforts, there is always the option of doing another job. If they ask you what you were doing in the break months, say you were soul searching or learning new skills. Whatever, doesn't really matter.

I don't know wtf i am going to talk about in my next post, maybe how to get a job. 



When I was back home, that is my own flat, I didn't really have neighbors. When you're living on the ground floor, neighbors are just people who live upstairs. Whatever they do is their business and most of the times, it doesn't really bother you. 

These days, I'm not living on the ground floor and living in delhi means that you will hear and smell and be part of lot of neighborly habits even if you don't want to. There will be a screamo Aunty in the neighborhood. If you're lucky, there will be two or three and their endless bickering over little shitty things will provide hours of entertainment. Aunties are like mushrooms, they just crop up in every neighborhood. 110% of them are weirdos, but that's just my opinion and I like to think that 110% of people are weird assholes. 

Living in close proximity with people means that you have to bear their shitty habits. Right now one neighbor is listening to old old Bollywood songs. Like, really old shit. Black and white era songs. 

Who the fuck does that? Only old people and heartbroken freaks do that. I want to sleep! I don't want to listen to songs that use three instruments at maximum. 

And there is another dude who likes to cook eggs at midnight. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT. I have seen some really weird behaviors in my life, and I've always been able to make up a suitable explanation for them. Maybe someone's parents beat them when they were kids so they grow up to be fucking sadistic bosses. Maybe someone got their heart broken by a childhood crush so they are hell bent on fucking up students by making difficult question papers in final exams. 

But I don't know what the fuck is wrong with the egg cooking neighbor. And I can hear and smell that he/she is making omelets every night. 

I don't understand this. 

By the way, people don't like me sitting at home, chilling, relaxing and just tweeting my day away and three people in real life have told me to get a fucking job. 

Anyone got any leads for a content writer with seven years of seo experience? Delhi based job? Let me know? Or no? You know where to hit me. 

Is this insomnia?

There is a brilliant Megadeth song called Insomnia. While Dave was writing that song, he visited medical classes to learn more about the disorder and there he learned that insomnia is not the inability to fall asleep, but the inability to stay asleep. A person with insomnia might wake up up to ten times a night. 

Or something like that. You can look it up, the story is out there on the Internet. 

In Fight Club, our humble narrator also suffers from insomnia and spends his nights ordering shit he doesn't need from late night television shopping networks. Palahniuk does a really great job of describing the physical as well as mental condition of someone who is suffering from insomnia. There is a certain beauty to it. 

I should've been asleep now but I'm writing this on my phone. I just realized that the text on this app doesn't scroll as you type under the keyboard. Feature bug? I don't care. 

I'm still in delhi and I am slowly accepting the fact that I might have to be here for the coming considerable time. I don't have to like it, though. But I guess if I hate this city a bit less, it can be helpful. 

It's funny that no matter how old you grow and however much experience you have in dealing with shit, there is always new shit that you can learn. 

Anyway, I hope that I am not an insomniac. Sounds cool, but sucks to be one.