things fall apart

Year end is always a difficult time for me techwise. I can go the whole year without any kind of technology related accidents and then suddenly it's all down on my head like a bundle of bricks. Some of my most spectacular technology fails have been in the months of November and December. So, even though it's difficult, i try to stay away from most tech things in these two months, or just be extra careful when handling anything techy. 

Is this superstition? 

Maybe it is, maybe I am just looking at the statistical probability of the cold months making me clumsy or generally distracted with the technology around me. 

My laptop has randomly shut down on me twice for some reason and I had to take out the battery, start it with the charger in and then switch it off and insert the battery back in to get it working again. There is a small whining noise coming from somewhere in the laptop and I don't think that is a good thing. 

The phone is a regular pain, like an itch you keep scratching because it's got such shitfuck low memory. Why the fuck did apple make phones with 8gb memory? It's a good phone on all other accounts, just the low memory bugs me like anything. Oh, I dropped the phone one day, and now the screen clicks when i tap it in a particular area. What can a man do?

Also, I shattered the screen of my tablet. It slipped from my hand while I was picking the tablet and my phone from the bed. Now it's not that bad that i'd consider buying a new tablet, and it's not that small that it doesn't irk the eye every time i pick up the fucking thing to play Boom Beach or read a book. That's all the tablet is good for. But I think I am learning to ignore the shattered part of screen. Like some junk that you see every day on your way to office and after a while it becomes a part of the scenery and you are just mentally blind to it. 

How much of such junk do we carry around in life, in relationships, in our daily dealings with others? This is something to think about. 

What else, I got my tiny lil snasa music player but I've not used that thing in quite some time. 

Ah, I just felt like writing all this here while I procrastinate writing my nanowrimo project. I better get a day or two of writing in if I have to hit that word count. 



A Wish

I have not written anything here or anywhere else for that matter because I'm busy with work and trying my level best to drum up a daily word count to make it to 50,000 words by end of November. But I wish to write a long and lazy piece of writing that goes here there and everywhere. I'm going to do it in December.

Life has dug its claws in me and it keeps trying to drag me down. But I'm stubborn in my own way. So I do what I have to do. Right? Wrong? What the fuck does it matter?

My neighbour beats his wife and son every alternate days. Like clockwork. If I don't hear them crying, my day seems incomplete.

And what the fuck is up with cats being assholes?

By the way, how have you been doing? Let me get done with the nanowrimo and we'll sit and chat properly.

Cool? Cool.

It's November! Which means NANOWRIMO!!

I think I have said enough about NaNoWriMo, the yearly tradition of writing a novel in November.

The math is simple, 50000 words, 30 days, 1667 words a day. Keep at it and you have something slightly resembling a zero draft in your hands by the end of the month. It is no way a complete novel. It is just a basic draft of how things are going to happen. Hell, it's not even the first draft, it's a zero draft, the first draft comes later. Most published novels go through 10-20 drafts before even being ready for submission to agents or publication houses. So, don't get your hopes of being a writer anywhere near the UP mark.

NaNoWriMo is essentially practice, for telling yourself that you can write daily and you can achieve a target set of words. That's about it.

Well, you say, yeah yeah pallav, shut the fuck up and tell us how to tackle this beast, cuz we've heard that you've done this shit twice or thrice already, not that we care, cuz you never made a first draft of those zero drafts, but give it to us.

So, I'll say, well, since you asked for it, and because I have to work on my Nano project for this year, i am not going to type out a whole set of posts, because I already did those some years ago.

You're gonna have to click on links, my friend.

Link ONE -- Some Thoughts About NaNoWrimo

Link TWO -- NaNoWriMo Pre-Plan

Link THREE -- Actual fucking writing of the "Novel"

Check these three links, put your ass in a chair and start writing, cuz 1667 words a day it is.

Good luck and godspeed!

Regenerating/Powering Up

There is only one thing you can be absolutely sure about in life. That's life. It never fucking stops moving. For anyone. No one is above or beyond it. Life goes on. Whether you want to hang on for the ride or not, it'll not give a fuck and just keep going on.

That said, there are always minor shocks, trials and tribulations, all sorts of shit that might or might not have anything to do with you, but it's in your path, so either you change your path or you step through it. I think everyone should go through some shit every now and then, it allows you to take an inward look and see what the fuck you've been doing wrong and right.

While you're wading (?) through that pool of shit, the stink overpowering and the shit sucking the shoes off your feet, you'll think to yourself, what the fuck am i doing with my life? Is this what the fuck I want to do? Is this my full potential? Am I living or just fucking existing? When will this pool of shit end? Did I just leave my shoe two steps behind me? Am I going to get my hands dirty picking up that one shoe or am I going to keep walking with one shoe and one foot drenched to the pores in shit? So many questions and often these questions have no answers.
this babe is also contemplating the sea of shit that she has to step through
All you can do is walk. Walk hard and fast and focus on the light, whatever little it might be at the horizon and maybe at the end of the sea of shit that you're walking through. What I am trying to say is that I've walked through my sea of metaphorical shit, maybe I am still going through it, but I am not going to fucking stop. 

November is NaNoWriMo again. I am going to write one more novel again again. There are three in my dropbox folder at the last count. I never got around to editing them. And I don't think I will either. That was just practice. But I've had enough of that. I am sick to my gills of the present market scene in India for fiction and it has finally dawned on me that I, and only I, will have to do something about it. No promises, but, fuck me, if I don't get something done. You know what it's going to be. Yup. 

I have to write more. 

What happened to this blog? What happened to me?

I shit you not, there was time I'd have picked fights with people over the shit I write on this blog. I was so so fucking passionate about every story I wrote because mostly I was young and stupid and damn it, I believed in what I was writing.

I was 110% committed to what I was doing and I'd have fought the fucking world if it meant getting the daily update to the blog. I changed my work schedule so I could write more stories, I wrote in bulk, I wrote faster, I gave zero fucks about so many things that I should have been giving a fuck about. Hindsight is a bitch.

It's all fucked up now. It feels like seeing a beautiful flower growing through blocks of concrete and then a mangy dog shits all over it.

My head has not been in the game for a long time. I got distracted by the hate for this fucking city that circumstances have landed me into, and it's frustrating here because I see no way out. And I can't help but hate it and get flashbacks of what once was all the time. Maybe my head wants to go back and keeps reminding me of every single little thing that made that city my own, but this city is like a thorn stuck in my foot. And I can't take it out because I am too busy walking. So it digs in deeper and deeper till the blood marks my footprints and the wound becomes a sore. But I can't stop walking, so I walk with this fucked up pain in me and there is no escape from it.

So be fucking it.